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Amazingly, The Coaches Box is the only media outlet in the whole of Christendom not to have a story about Buddy Franklin’s bare bum this week.

We start with a new page on FanFooty called the Breakdown - there is a Dream Team Breakdown and a Super Coach Breakdown - which is a table that lists the averages of each Champion Data player type against each AFL team, with links to drill down on each score from each player against each opponent. It’s a powerful tool for helping to pick captains, and should also prove useful for those participating in the Premium DT competition who are looking to pick up new players for a week or two of service.

In the round review, we start with naughty boy Brett Burton and ask whether Kurt Tippett and/or Nathan Bock will thrive on the Corws forward line in his stead. We discuss Andrew McLeod and Adam McPhee, then compare the bubble prospects of Eaglets Beau Wilkes and Tim Houlihan. Daniel Kerr, Jarryd Morton, Josh P. Kennedy, Cyril Rioli, Adam Cooney, Lindsay Gilbee, Nathan Thompson, Corey Jones, Steve Johnson, Jimmy Bartel, Harry Taylor, Ryan Gamble and Tom Lonergan get the treatment. We ponder the merits of a sideways trade for Nick Stevens. Matthew Kreuzer, Shaun Hampson, Tadhg Kennelly, Ryan O’Keefe, Joel Bowden and Matthew Richardson are forensically examined. The Melbourne forward line is now Neitzless and Robertsonless so we look at the implications of the rejigged structure for Brad Miller, Colin Sylvia, Adem Yze, Matthew Bate, Austin Wonaeamirri, Colin Garland and Shane Valenti. Finally we try to figure out if Peter Burgoyne really is top 10 fantasy back material.

In the captain segment, we try to figure out who Brady Rawlings will tag in the Geelong engine room, who Chris Hyde and Shane Tuck will tag from Adelaide, how many sausage rolls Lance Franklin will bag against the Essendon rabble, how dangerous it is to give the armband to Dean Cox against miserly Sydney, how much browndog bite that Jonathan Brown will have against the Roos, how much fireworks will happen in the midfield in the Saints/Dogs match, and how many minutes Dane Swan will be let off the leash for on the upcoming Queen’s Birthday massacre.

Finally, we talk a bit more about the Premium DT competition, and spruik for the DT Talk meet on Saturday week.